Word Association

On one of the last few bus rides Heather and I started a list of things that remind us of the ride. I started trying to put them into my journal. This is a monified version. I will add a little commentary to the list.

The songs I listened to on the way to schools to mentally prepare myself:

The Way I Are by Timbaland
Spottie Ottie Dopalicious by Outkast
Die Another Day by Madaonna

Others songs I associate with the ride:

Tik Tok by Ke$ha
Smiling Faces Sometimes by The Dramatics
Hey Jude and Let It Be from Across the Universe
Wild Horse I don't know the version we listened to
I Want to Know What Love is by Foreigner


Phrases we like to use:

Ruuuude!
Saw-reee! (Sorry)
Lama Y'all! (With the ASL sign for Lama raised high in the air)
Get Yo Ass
Trife/Trifflin'/Trife Ball
Fancy Pants/Fancy Bottoms
Jazzy/Jazzy Gem/Jazz Factory
The children are intersecting
Burning, Burning, Burning
Grown Ass Woman/Man/Person
Never in a million years did you imagine....?
Awkward with ASL sign
Decorum/Decorous
Filthis

Things I associate with school visits/:

Love the sinner hate the sin/I love you but....
Polo shirts
Vigils/Rallies

Stayed on Equality
Om Shanti
Go Now in Peace
Love love love, Christians this your call, to love your neighbor as yourself, for God loves all

Jam Packed Elevators
Difficult
Defending my humanity
PGP-Preferred Gender Pronouns
Culture of silence/fear
Exodus
Props/Debriefing/Caucuses
Clobber Passages
Spiritual Violence
Repent America


Community Stops/Affirming Places

Potlucks/Pasta/Pizza
Singing Stayed on Equality to thank people for meals
Safe Churches
Kind people
Community Service Projects
Panels/QPOC Panels
Open Mic Nite/Story Telling/Dancing/Poetry

Miscellaneous

Long Bus Rides/Dondi/Dondi's Music
Bus Roles
Post Cards
Hotels/Moving Every Few Days
No Personal Space
Buddy System
Rainbows
Love
Sign Language
Intersectionality
Subway/fast food
Where Justice Meets Faith
UU/UCC/MCC
Feelings, LOTS of Feelings!
Community Agreements
Stipend
Gender Neutral Bathrooms
Pecos
Plug and Socket
High Femme
Relentless
My life is a series of awkward moments
Faith
Big Queer Bus/Soulforce One

Speaking Truth

I have found two spoken word pieces that sum up the truths I tried to speak for the last two months more powerfully and beautifully then I ever could so I will just post them here.

This first one is by Staceann Chin.


The second one is Andrea Gibson.

Dare You to Move

I was sitting in the hot tub looking at the stars and listening to the radio. The song "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot came on. It got me thinking a lot about today and the last few months.

Today I ran into one of my Aunts while out with my parents. I was at a huge gluten free food fair. Hundreds of people swirled around the room getting samples of gluten free food as my Aunt asked me about what I had been up to. She started with, so you were like gone or something? I said something like yes, I was on the road for two months on a social justice tour traveling to different colleges and states. So what were your goals, the goals of Soulforce? Well, to get policies changed and create a safer place for students. So do you push the lifestyle? Is Soulforce in favor of the lifestyle or safety for students? Well, we work to make a space for students to be wholly themselves, a space where they do not face spiritual violence, a space where students don't have to chose between identity and faith. Oh. So you want people to see everyone is a child of God to be loved. Yes, that is very important. Yeah. Awkward stares. I mumble it's important and walk away.

I felt like a liar. Aunt Barb, I am queer-I wanted to say. I have a girlfriend-I wanted to say. I was so torn. I wanted to tell her. It tried to bust out of me but the room full of hundreds of strangers stopped me. The fear of her reaction stopped me.

All day I have been feeling like crap. For the last two months, I went from place to place saying, live authentically. Living inauthentic hurts you and others. The quest was not to get every queer person to come out, it was for equality, for safe spaces to learn, to let queer people know God loves them too but I encouraged people (when it was safe) to be authentic and come out. I couldn't do it for myself. For the last year I've wanted desperately to come out to my extended family. I hate being in the closet. It makes me hate a part of myself. I feel awkward and fake around them. I'm quiet and introverted. I don't know what to talk about. Most of my free time is filled with LGBTQ things. I'm on the Board of Directors for GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network). When I was in school most of my free time was spent doing activism on campus and off campus for LGBTQ equality. The last two months of my life were working for equality. I have a girlfriend who I love and spend hours talking to all the time.

I Dare You To Move. Welcome to the fall out. The tension is here, between who you and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be. I dare you to move. Where can you run to escape from yourself? I dare you to move, to lift yourself, to lift yourself up the floor.

I think it's time to come out. I'd rather deal with other people's shit then the tension of who I am and who I could be if I wasn't hiding in the closet. If I wasn't wondering which family members would still love me. It's time to move, to be real and authentic. To liberate myself from my fear so others can do the same.

It's time to stop living in fear.

Epic Fail On Blogging The Advedture

Hey Ya'll,
Sorry I did so bad at updating this. The ride was crazy. It kept me far busier then I have ever dreamed. I have so much to process from this ride. It touched my life in profound ways. I learned about myself. I found my voice. I became less afraid. I saw christians show hate masked as love. I saw other Christians show love in ways that touched my soul and brought healing. I was shown love by non-Christians that was more Christ-like then I have seen from many who call themselves Christians. I experienced spiritual violence in a real and painful way. My heart broke for students who are queer going to the colleges as I feel the hate for LGBTQ people on campus. I felt hope because I met awesome allies who care enough to stand up for LGBTQ students at their school. I met fierce LGBTQ students coming out of the closet and finding their own voice. I developed friendships with the other Equality Riders that run deep, they now are family to me. My faith has changed, grown in leaps and bounds. It's hard to know where to begin when I'm at the end.

I am supposed to be looking for work so I'm going to keep this short but I'm sure I'll keep some post ride thoughts and ramblings.